Captain Otto





The Cheapest Painting Money Can Buy

Let's be honest. You want your house painted, but you don't want to pay the outrageous prices a legitimate contractor charges. You don't care if he has no insurance, uses poor quality paint, hires illegal aliens, or does anything else. That's his business. You just want your house painted. Cheap.

Captain Otto's Painting and Seafood understands this. That is why we offer the cheapest painting money can buy. We work diligently to cut every cost to the bone and beyond. We don't bother with insurance or licensing because these would add to our costs. We aren't concerned with making a profit, because frankly, we aren't even sure how to calculate a profit.

We don't spend lots of money on vehicle upkeep. Actually, we have no vehicles to maintain. Our unskilled workers arrive on the job site like a pack of wild dogs, primarily because they are a pack of wild dogs. Ravenous from days of foraging for scraps, they will tear through your landscaping, eager to complete your job so that they can claim the two cans of Alpo we pay them. We could go the the expense of trying to protect your landscaping, but that would add to the cost. And besides, your landscaping will grow back.

We don't advertise because that costs money, and we never seem to have any. But that helps save you money, and that is our only goal. We don't employ slick dressing, high pressure salesmen. We offer a flat rate for all work. A one-story house costs $595 to paint, and a two-story house costs $895 to paint. We don't care how big your house is, what it is made of, or anything else. We call this our Purrfect Painting Program, and you can learn more about it on our Painting page.

Because we believe in operating our business with honesty and integrity, we do not try to hide how we achieve our cheap prices. Everything about us is cheap, including the paint we use and the workers we hire. That is why our motto is Caveat Emptor.

You can certainly buy a better paint job, but you would have to go to the ends of hell to find a cheaper paint job. And by the time we are done with your job, you may think that you have gone to the ends of hell. But don't even think about suing us. If you do, the judge will say (after he stops laughing), "What did you expect? You hired cats to paint your house."

Captain Otto's Painting and Seafood is brought to you by Out of the Bucket.com

BEP Enterprises Incorporated 2008